I want to just drift through life in Type-Moon.

Page 145

Rafe frowned and didn't say anything more. He took out a data disk from his pocket and handed it to the doctor. "The password is Chaldea. Please show it to him. Acting Director Archiman, I will go to the Security Department for counter-espionage interrogation afterward."

Dr. Roman took the USB drive with a complicated expression. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but couldn't say anything after several attempts. Finally, Da Vinci, unable to bear it any longer, snatched the USB drive and inserted it into the console's interface to read the records.

"Ling, are you mentally prepared?" Da Vinci asked Ling on the other side of the screen while reading the data.

"How can anyone be mentally prepared for something like this? Da Vinci, play it!" Ling looked at Da Vinci eagerly, while Ziyuan wisely opened another projection in that world, preparing to play the content of that summoning.

“Okay, I’ve watched it carefully.” After saying that, Da Vinci pressed the play button. Everything that happened that day when Olga performed the Servant summoning, from Olga reciting the summoning incantation to Ji Ling’s appearance and departure, and then to Fou running into the summoning room and using the Chinese knot to summon Ling, was played clearly.

From the moment Ji Ling appeared, Ling was on high alert, watching the scene intently. He admired Ji Ling's unparalleled beauty, heard her call Olga "sow," and finally saw the special bead. During this process, he even forgot to breathe. One question after another in his mind was answered, and then a new question arose.

This process continued until the end of the film. He viewed the record from a third-party perspective, and therefore knew everything more clearly than others could recount.

They learned that Ji Ling obtained what he had needed to prolong his life after attacking the Gemstone Elder.

He realized why he had blurted out "sow" to Olga when they first appeared at Chaldea.

I now understand why my behavior was so strange back then.

She even learned that the "Fate" that Fufu used to summon her was probably more complex than she had imagined.

"—What kind of joke is this?" Ling looked at her trembling hands. "Ji Ling? Destiny? General Ling and Luo Shen? No, when it comes to food, she should be called the World's Number One Foodie Princess—then what am I, the World's Number One Bento Princess? Ha, ha, ha ha—yes, when you're hungry you eat, getting a bento box means death, foodie and getting a bento box—ha ha—"

As if something was broken, Ling kept uttering completely incomprehensible words, "The First Law? What's going on with this world? Isn't it Type-Moon? Vocaloid? Yeah, I always felt like my appearance was familiar—so that's why?"

He pressed his hands to his face. "Reincarnation? Parallel worlds? Creation by the First Law? These things—ah, how could I possibly understand! I'm just an ordinary person! You know what an ordinary person is! The kind of ignorant person who isn't allowed to know even if the world is destroyed!! What belief in the world's goodwill!! I thought I knew! But I still know nothing! What goodwill is there in this kind of world! What 'I'm willing to stand by your side'! It's all fake! This kind of world! This kind of world—it's better to just—"

Chapter 317 Fear of the Unknown (Part 2)

Olga looked at Ling, who was screaming hysterically, and had no idea what to do. She looked up at Leonardo da Vinci, who shook his head slightly. Then she looked at Shion, who just blinked and seemed completely detached. Finally, she looked at the Winter Saintess, whose attention had never left Ling.

In the end, Olga decided to rely on herself, so she reached out and gently put her hand on Ling's shoulder. But to her surprise, Ling immediately waved his hand away and looked at her with eyes full of fear and unfamiliarity.

"—Let me be alone." After saying this, he staggered to the side, squatted down, hugged his knees, buried his face in his thighs, and acted as if he were completely withdrawn.

Olga looked at her right hand that had been flung away, bit her lower lip, and decided to wait and see. She knew that she and Ling could not be separated, so it was better to let him calm down and sort out his thoughts before communicating with him.

At this point, Olga didn't realize that her choice was a retreat, causing the advantage she had finally gained to diminish again.

Little Illya, clinging to Kiritsugu Emiya's trouser leg, stared at the adults who had suddenly fallen silent. Her little mind couldn't understand what was happening. Her mother, Irisviel, had suddenly transformed into Lady Justessa, whom she had told her about when they used to sleep together.

His father, Kiritsugu Emiya, also looked terrifying.

Grandpa showed an expression he had never seen before on his face.

The older sister who gave me a very friendly feeling started getting angry after talking to many people, and then huddled on the cold ground.

—It's so hard to understand, really so hard to understand. But Ilya should be a good girl. If she's a good girl, she shouldn't let that older sister catch a cold. She's wearing so little, and the ground is so cold. If she catches a cold, she'll feel really uncomfortable, just like when she has a fever.

—So Ilya needs to wake that older sister up, and then…and then…what should she do next? Hmm, then she'll find her and play together! As long as her body is warm, she won't feel cold!

With that thought in mind, Ilya bravely let go of her father's arms and ran to Ling's side.

"Illya!" Kiritsugu had no idea what his daughter was up to, but when he saw Illya run to Rin's side, his expression tightened, and he hurriedly called out and tried to run over.

Just then, a long, slender arm blocked his way. "It's alright. Let Ilya do what she wants to do. Fate can change the fate of many people."

"Big sister, the ground is cold. If you stay here any longer, you'll catch a cold," Ilya said to Ling in her clear, childlike voice.

Ling didn't look up, nor did she make any other movement.

"Ilya knows that catching a cold will make you sick, and being sick is very uncomfortable! Every time you get sick, Kiritsugu becomes very talkative!" Those childish words, spoken without any thought, were telling Rin about the truth she knew.

“But I know that Dad is actually worried about me. Even though he’s a nag, whenever Ilya gets sick, he and Mom stay by my side the whole time. They don’t go anywhere else, unlike usual when we rarely see each other!” Ilya saw that Ling still didn’t react, but she didn’t give up. Instead, she carefully reached out and placed her hand on his cold hand.

"Waaah! Oh no, big sister, your hands are so cold! You're going to get sick! You're definitely going to get sick!" Touching Ling's body temperature made Ilya shiver. She immediately grabbed one of Ling's hands with both of hers and tried to pull him up.

"Come on! Ilya! Come on!" Ilya cheered herself on cutely, feeling that she absolutely couldn't ignore this person. Whether it was because of the closeness she felt towards him, or because she was sensitive enough to realize that if she let him think like this in solitude, something bad would happen, she was now using all her strength, all her kindness, and all her hope to tug at Ling.

"...The carefree nature of a child? Or the fearlessness of a newborn calf?" Ling raised her cloudy eyes, looked at Ilya, whose little face was flushed from holding her breath, and suddenly spoke.

Startled, Ilya accidentally let go of the hand and fell to the ground with a thud. It hurt quite a bit, so she rubbed her bottom with teary eyes and glared angrily at the culprit.

"You bad guy! You scared Ilya! You're a bad guy!" Ilya stood up again and slapped Ling's hand until it turned red. She also slapped herself a few times because of the pain.

Her palms hurt, her bottom hurt, and she had meant well by not wanting the older woman to catch a cold, but the woman ignored her and then scared her. The pain and grievances finally made her burst into tears.

Ling couldn't understand why someone would bother him when he had clearly said he wanted to be alone. But when he realized it was Ilya, he didn't get angry. Children's behavior shouldn't be judged by adult rules. He thought that if he ignored her, she would give up quickly. He wondered if it was a trait from Kiritsugu Emiya, but he didn't expect her to be so stubborn.

After saying something childish yet well-intentioned, he actually reached out to help her up. Did she not consider the difference in their strength? Feeling confused, he looked up and asked a question, which caused Ilya to fall.

Children's minds really do change very quickly. Just a moment ago I was worried about him, but in the blink of an eye I became the bad guy. I felt a bit like laughing and crying at the same time.

"Slap!" "Slap slap!" Several sudden slaps brought a slight pain. He watched as the little person in front of him slapped the back of his hand with a hand that was only the size of his palm. Then the little person withdrew the hand, blew on his palm a few times, and then burst into tears.

Ling silently watched Ilya cry, finding her innocent behavior strange. This childlike heart was probably only found in children her age. She cried and laughed freely, her eyes full of curiosity. The world was not complicated for her. On the road called growth, these things would gradually disappear, turning her into the person she was now, who needed to reflect on the past, worry about the future, question the known, and fear the unknown.

“It’s so nice, Ilya.” Ling had an urge to destroy the innocent and pure Ilya in the moment. He knew that this feeling was not out of jealousy, but rather a typical psychological phenomenon called Cute Aggression.

When faced with cute things, normal humans not only feel the urge to care for them, but also the urge to harm them, though most people will not act on it.

This seemingly contradictory psychology is actually the brain's balancing mechanism. To prevent a single emotion from becoming too intense and getting out of control, the brain will trigger the opposite emotion to achieve balance, such as crying tears of joy. This is called the binary expression of positive emotions.

Chapter 318 Fear of the Unknown (Part 2)

Looking at Ilya like this, Ling shrank back again, a strange smile on her face, and said, "Ilya, what if one day, your parents lied to you, saying they were going out on business, but neither of them came back? You were all alone in this castle, waiting and waiting, going from hopeful to desperate, only to find out that your mother had died, your father had settled in Japan with your younger brother, and your grandfather had taken you to the workshop to have magical markings implanted all over your body. You finally endured all that pain, filled with hatred for your father, only to be told that he was dead. How would you feel facing such a chaotic life?"

Regardless of Illya's reaction to these words, Kiritsugu Emiya, as the other party involved, had been targeted by Ling several times, and these words, which sounded like a prophecy, made him feel extremely uneasy.

He knew that Ling was referring to the Holy Grail War six months later. He and his wife had been prepared for his wife's death, but Ling's words seemed to indicate that they would fail. And what about that so-called son, Emiya Shirou? Judging from the name, he was obviously a boy. If that was the case, the boy was definitely not his and Irisviel's child, and he and Hisau Maiya had no intention of having children.

"Mom and Dad will never abandon me!!" Ilya stomped her little feet and glared angrily at Ling. To her, Ling's words were still too difficult to understand. Unlike other androids, she was born from her mother's body, so she had never been given any knowledge. Her growth was like that of an ordinary human, and she needed to receive education.

Ling rested her chin on her knees and squinted her eyes. "After all, you're still too young. The truth of adults is too cruel for you. You see, that's how trust between people works. Even your closest relatives will lie to you. Ah, yes, they might say it's for your own good, but for you, the result of this 'for your own good' is just being forced to represent Einzbern in the Fifth Holy Grail War eleven years later. Your fate will either be to become the Holy Grail, have your heart ripped out, or wear the Heavenly Garment that your mother never wanted to leave you and activate the Third Law to save Shirou."

“In all three timelines except the last one, Shirou Emiya never knew you were his sister until his death. You projected your hatred and longing for your father onto this younger brother. Is this kind of kinship really worth all that sacrifice?”

Illya didn't know how to answer, so her first reaction was to look at her parents. Kiritsugu wanted to go over, but Justeza beat him to it. She rushed over and hugged Illya tightly. "No, I can't accept this ending! My little Illya! My little Illya!"

"Mom?" Ilya didn't react at first, but hearing the person's words and feeling that familiar embrace made her realize that this person had become her real mother again.

“My lady, this outcome is the result of Einzbern's obsession and Kiritsugu Emiya's desires. You love your husband, support him, take his ideals as your own, and are determined to offer him the Holy Grail. So, whether it's a bitter pill or not, you have to swallow it! This is the so-called law of the world! Yes, this is the benevolence of this world—”

Ling revealed a sarcastic smile, "Well, in the future, most likely Shirou Emiya will have his soul extracted and sealed into a doll by Illya. But in any case, the Holy Grail will not fall into the hands of the Einzbern family. After Illya's failure, the father of the homunculi also cut off the power, and the entire Einzbern family will become history."

"So you see, isn't this so-called family affection a complete joke? Okay, I've said everything I wanted to say. Can you all just get out of here gracefully?" Ling ended with this sentence, just about to reconsider, but Ilya broke free from her mother's embrace, her innocent eyes staring straight at Ling.

"No! We'll catch a cold sitting here!"

Ling was somewhat taken aback. After all she had said, Ilya was still fixated on this issue. They were complete strangers; why should she concern herself with her? And what good would it do for Ilya?

"Ah, is that so? Do children only care about what they like?" Ling smiled and shook her head. "Yes, as long as they do what they want, they don't need to care about anything else. But I can't do that, and neither can you in the future."

"Big sister—" Illya put her hands on her hips, snorted through her nose, and blushed cutely. "I didn't understand what you just said, but there's one thing I do know: Kiritsugu and Mother never left me on purpose. They would never abandon Illya."

At this point, a proud look appeared on Ilya's innocent face. "Because Ilya loves them the most, and they love Ilya the most too! Big sister, you also have people like that waiting for you, so you must not catch a cold!"

What does it mean for children to speak without restraint? These words of Ilya's perfectly illustrate this. Ling discovered that his grandfather, with whom he had lived for fourteen years, was hiding something from him, and hadn't even told him when he died. This trigger made him start to doubt everything. Coupled with the sudden knowledge about the existence of [Ji Ling], everything was like a chaotic vortex that swallowed him up.

He knew he wasn't a strong person at all; otherwise, he wouldn't have chosen archaeology as his major, just to escape that oppressive modern family.

"—Your mother's favorite person is your father, and your father, as a saint, sees every life in the world as the same," Ling Situ retorted.

"Liar! Mother has said many times that she likes Illya the most, and Kiritsugu's words—Kiritsugu's words—" She was so angry at Rin's words that she wanted to cry, and her originally firm belief began to waver. So she immediately turned to look at her father.

Kiritsugu Emiya also came over, first patting Illya's head, making her tearful expression turn into a smile, "I love Illya the most too, more than anyone else in the world."

"Look! Even Kiritsugu said that," Ilya boasted excitedly to Rin.

"—You really have the nerve to say that, Kiritsugu Emiya." He looked up at Kiritsugu Emiya's numb face. "I told you your life is cursed, and you will destroy all your happiness with your own hands."

"No, I am not lying. Although everyone in this world is the same in my eyes, that does not prevent me from having people I love. And the kind of future you described, I will definitely break it with my own hands!" Kiritsugu Emiya said these words with a solemn expression as if he were making an oath.

Chapter 319 Choosing the Future (Part 1)

"Your determination is commendable, but it's too naive and ignorant—well, that's true for me too, so I have no right to laugh at you." Ling's lips twisted slightly.

“Ilya, you must still have some questions for this big brother, right?” Irisviel took Ilya’s little hand and looked at her daughter with a smile.

"Huh? Big brother? Isn't it big sister?" Feeling that her parents were right beside her, Ilya was in a good mood. After hearing her mother's words, she tilted her head and carefully looked at Ling, but she still couldn't tell his gender.

The only men she had ever met were her father and grandfather, but both of them had very obvious male characteristics, namely beards. Her great-grandfather's beard was long, while her father's was sparse and short, but very prickly. Thinking of this, she couldn't help but touch Ling's chin with her hand. "No, Mom is lying. This is my older sister."

Let her do as she pleases, while considering whether it would be more peaceful to sink back into the amniotic fluid pool.

"Hmm, Illya doesn't care anymore~" Seeing her mother's amused expression, Illya stomped her foot again. Her parents held her hands, and the family of three looked very happy. "Big sister, you said those futures are all bleak, but is there really no good future? Is there no future where Kiritsugu and Mom are always by Illya's side?"

Ling was speechless at the question. Indeed, the futures he mentioned were the futures of the main storyline, but to say that they were all such tragic futures was definitely not the case.

"—You can never reach that future." Ling suddenly felt a pang of guilt, realizing that she had been taking her anger out on others.

"It doesn't matter if we can't reach it, because Ilya is very happy now. As for the future, let the future Ilya think about it." Ling thought Ilya's words were just escapism.

"Running away? Yes, I've been running away all along, but one day I can't escape it. Since that's the case—" Ling nodded, then shook her head, "Since the future is always approaching, why not create the future I want before it arrives?"

Ling slowly raised her head, looking at the chandelier high in the ceiling, the candles casting a bright yet flickering light. "Mooncell's function is to select the tree of options; if that fails, then the second method balances world operations; if that's too difficult, then the light belt will recreate the world; and, as for the first method—"

This unconscious soliloquy sent chills down the spines of everyone who could hear it; its contents were utterly horrifying. When Rafe heard about the re-creation of the light belt, he was already certain that the Listener knew about the plan to burn humanity, but this was something he had anticipated, and now he was simply confirming his guess.

"In the end, it's still a matter of insufficient strength." Ling clenched her fists and stood up, her eyes regaining their rationality, but Ziyuan and Da Vinci both cried out in alarm when they saw that look.

“No, I think what you lack is not power, but reason.” Fortunately, neither Ziyuan nor Da Vinci was in a position to speak, since they were on the side and could not interfere with Ling’s choice. So when they heard someone speak up for Ling, they secretly breathed a sigh of relief.

Kiritsugu Emiya fired again, the bullet grazing Rin's hair and embedding itself in the wall, the flying shards hitting his right cheek.

"What are you trying to do now, Kiritsugu Emiya—" Ling frowned as she looked at Kiritsugu. Even though she knew she couldn't kill him, no one liked having a gun pointed at them.

"I see absolutely no rationality in your eyes right now. You should know my life story very well. As an assassin, let me tell you this: if you lose your composure, you're not far from destruction. Your plans just now were not based on careful calculations, but were just impulsive decisions made without sufficient information, and were destined to fail. Don't forget what you said before. You said I was an ignorant person, and you admitted that you were an ignorant person. In the end, even though you clearly have self-awareness, you still came to this conclusion?"

Ling never expected that Kiritsugu Emiya would lecture her in this way. She had already described his future as so tragic, but instead of asking her questions, he gave her such a warning. Was this still the Kiritsugu Emiya she knew?

No, that's not the right way to think about it. Although the existence of someone named Kiritsugu Emiya may seem to have despicable methods, his ultimate pursuit was extremely noble in its starting point. Although he ultimately achieved the completely opposite result, if the Holy Grail really had the ability to perfectly fulfill his wishes, he would indeed have become a savior saint.

"Tell me, Kiritsugu Emiya, are you still pursuing the Holy Grail?" Ling decided to have a serious, positive, and well-intentioned conversation with him.

“If the Holy Grail has the power to grant my wish, I will continue to pursue it. However, from your conversation with the Winter Saintess, I already know that the Holy Grail in Fuyuki City cannot achieve my goal.” Kiritsugu Emiya put away his gun, then took out a small box from his pocket and opened it. Inside were three extremely thin bullets. The moment Ling saw these bullets, her pupils contracted.

"Consider these three bullets my way of repaying you. I will choose another way to achieve my ideals." Kiritsugu Emiya handed the box to Rin, who gave him a deep look before solemnly putting it away.

"Emiya Kiritsugu, your wish is very difficult to fulfill. As far as I know, those who possess your ideals have all ended up in tragedy. Even if you give up the Holy Grail of Eastwood and seek another path, you will most likely fall on the path of seeking the truth. The best outcome will be to waste your life and die of old age."

"—It's alright. Even so, I will continue. Even if I can't achieve that ideal, I think I can save more people on that path." Kiritsugu Emiya looked at the void with weary eyes. "I have seen too many tragedies in the first half of my life, so let me, someone who has seen so many tragedies, stop more tragedies."

"Didn't you ever think about giving up all of this, staying by your wife, daughter, and mistress's side, and growing old slowly?" Ling felt a pang of sadness for no reason, because she knew about this man's life. Although Kiritsugu had stained his hands with countless blood, some of his relatives and some of his lovers, it was undeniable that he forced himself to do so so that ordinary people could live a good life.

Just as the story begins, this man was more idealistic than anyone else, and therefore more desperate than anyone else. He hoped that everyone in the world could be happy, and he always prayed for this in his heart.

This man spent his whole life striving, even knowing he was broken, even when he was misunderstood, and even after losing everyone who loved him.

Chapter 320 Choosing the Future (Part 2)

"It's too painful. Compared to my unknown life, yours is known. Why would you make that choice knowing it would be so painful? If you want, I can tell you—" For some reason, Ling now clearly remembered the story called Fate/Zero. If she only remembered the general outline before, she could now tell the whole story in detail.

This feeling is as if someone has completely extracted the memories from the depths of my mind and then placed them in the top layer of my memory.

"—No need," Kiritsugu Emiya interrupted, perhaps guessing what Rin was about to say. "In my opinion, the future is not predetermined. At least, I don't think I'll encounter the ending you know. I've decided to give up the Fourth Holy Grail War and find a new way."

As if punching cotton, Rin was somewhat at a loss after being taken aback by Kiritsugu Emiya's resolute words.

"However, if possible, I would like you to change Illya's ending. Although I still don't understand why the so-called Fifth Holy Grail War happened, I don't want Illya to die. Also, please explain in detail about Shirou Emiya. I can tell that you deliberately tried to sow discord between my husband and me."

Kiritsugu Emiya looked coldly at the embarrassed Ling, his tone full of displeasure.

"Actually, it's not really. Although Emiya Miyu is from another timeline, if this Fourth Holy Grail War is to happen, Emiya Shirou—well, not by that name yet, since you gave him that name—will definitely exist. In any case, the boy named Nameless does exist." Ling looked around sheepishly. "He's a child with a deep connection to you. In most timelines, if you meet him, he'll become your adopted son."

Upon hearing the term "adopted son," Kiritsugu Emiya secretly breathed a sigh of relief. After all, he was an extremely self-disciplined person who never strayed outside the marriage, so how could he have a son? Moreover, he felt that the piercing gaze from Irisviel finally disappeared after he learned that Irisviel was an adopted son.

"—Hey, Kiritsugu Emiya, even if it's Illya, you'd better not continue exploring that endless path." Ling hesitated for a moment. Although Kiritsugu Emiya said he didn't want to know about the future, if possible, he still wanted to reverse the tragedy.

“If nothing unexpected happens, Madam will die in the Holy Grail War in six months. Even if this ritual succeeds and Illya doesn’t have to be transformed into the next Lesser Grail, her lifespan won’t be very long, right?” Ling looked at little Illya between Kiritsugu and Madam. “If I remember correctly, her maximum lifespan is only eighteen years old. She’s already eight, which means she only has ten years left. Can’t you spend those ten years with her?”

Kiritsugu's heart skipped a beat. He lowered his head, a deep struggle surfacing in his eyes. "I, I—"

He said "I" several times, but he still couldn't bring himself to say the answer that had almost come to him from the bottom of his heart.

"It's alright, Kiritsugu." Little Illya could see the pain in her father's eyes, so she made the choice for him first. "Don't worry about Illya! Illya will be good! So Kiritsugu, you can just go and do what you want to do!"

As Kiritsugu Emiya watched his daughter unconditionally support his choice, just like a mother would, his eyes reddened slightly. At that moment, he began to doubt whether the path he had chosen was the right one.

Ilya tilted her head back, her eyelashes fluttering gently. She had decided not to say what she was going to say, but she couldn't help herself. It wasn't that she was completely ignorant. Ling had mentioned several times that her mother would die and she would never see her father again. Even though she didn't want to believe it, hearing it so often made her imagine it.